A conversation you forgot? they didn't

This week, something really nice happened. I ran into someone I coached several years ago. They went out of their way to stop me, shake my hand, and share a story about how a conversation we had back then had a tangible, positive impact on the path they chose. To be really honest, I wasn't sure that they would choose a different path at the time.

As a coach, I always look to separate someone’s progress from my involvement in our conversations. It's still lovely when I hear about someone I coach doing something they want, in some part as a result of our work. This got me thinking, regardless of our job title: we fundamentally do not know the full, positive, or negative impact of our everyday conversations.

Why is our impact a hidden variable?

The reason we so often underestimate the power of a conversation, a passing comment, or even a tough piece of feedback, comes down to two simple truths about human nature and timing:

1. We only see the surface

When we speak to a colleague, a direct report, or even a friend, we are only interacting with the visible part of their personality. You see their current circumstances, their mood, and their immediate response.

What you don't see are their hidden strengths—the resilience, the untapped creativity, or the deep-seated desire to change. Or some struggle that undermines their confidence, dominates their thoughts, or holds them back from what they want.

A comment like, "I think you could be underplaying yourself," might land on someone who is internally battling a powerful sense of imposter syndrome. That single, genuine observation could be the tiny catalyst that helps them push past their self-doubt and finally speak up in the next meeting. You'd never know what happens as a result of speaking up.

2. The Aha! moment has its own timeline

Sometimes, a decent idea, a piece of advice, or a critical reflection needs to sit and ferment in a person's mind for months—or even years—before it becomes actionable.

In my coaching experience, I've seen this countless times. We can have a profound conversation, and the coachee leaves saying, "this has been so helpful, I know what I now need to do." Then, at the next session, that burst of motivation has dissipated, as the reality of what it really meant becomes clearer. Only to find at some point in the future you hear from them, "Remember that thing you said? It clicked this morning. I've quit my old job and started that new company."

The action of the original session wasn't bad; the person just wasn't ready to act on it. Transformation often requires a gestation period. You might have planted the seed, but you won't always be around to see the flower bloom.

What does this mean for our future conversations?

Since we are all unaware of the full extent of our influence, we have an important and, in my view, universal responsibility in how we choose to communicate. This isn't always easy to achieve. Despite being my aim, I don't get this right all the time myself.

1. Lead with kind candour and consideration

If you are an engineer, a marketer, a manager, or a parent, you are constantly shaping the world around you with your words. A careless or frustrated comment can land on someone at a particularly low moment, and its negative ripple can be significant.

This isn't about living in an overly idealistic land; we do need to find constructive ways to challenge too. An overly supported person who is spared any challenge is unlikely to achieve their potential. In every interaction, choose to lead with kind candour. Assume that the person you're speaking to is capable, intelligent, and operating under a pressure you cannot fully grasp. Your small act of warmth or respect might be the only positive fuel they get that day.

2. Be patient with potential

This is particularly crucial for leaders, coaches, and mentors. If you see untapped potential, ability, or readiness in someone—if you truly believe they are capable of more—be patient.

Acknowledge their current capabilities, but don't rush the process of growth. Repeat the message, rephrase the guidance, and continue to hold the space for them to step into their own strength. Your consistency and belief are often the most powerful tools in their eventual breakthrough and sustainable performance improvement.

The positive echo of your words might not return to you for a week, a year, or ever. But knowing you spoke with intention and heart is a reward in itself.

What is the most unexpected positive impact a conversation you had years ago has had on your life? I'd love to hear.