Learning from Mr Scorsese ?

There’s a new documentary series on Apple TV about the proclaimed film director Martin Scorsese. Early in episode one Scorsese describes a scene from his childhood. Not one from the dizzying, chaotic streets of New York that later defined his movies, but a quiet, interior one.

As a boy, Scorsese suffered from severe asthma. His family was poor, and in the sweltering New York summers, they couldn't afford air conditioning. The heat and poor air quality were a genuine misery.

His salvation? The movie theatre.

To give him a few hours of relief, his father would often take him to the local cinema during the hottest part of the afternoon. These periods of cool, dark air became his refuge. While other kids were playing basketballl, young Marty was watching Westerns, musicals, and dramas unfold on the big screen.

The forced confinement, the suffering of the summer heat, inadvertently placed him on a course for his entire life, bringing joy and education to the millions who have watched his films. The man who would become one of cinema's great masters found his calling not through an inspired deliberate vision, but through a necessary escape from physical hardship. I find situations like this so interesting, as they remind me we don’t need to be award-winning film directors to learn from our own adverse situations.

The opportunity generated by the adversity

This story isn't just about Scorsese; it’s a vital lesson about the nature of adversity.

In the moment, his asthma was a curse. It was pain, fear, and frustration. It was an obstacle that defined his days. Goodness knows what it must have been like for his parents searching for ways to help bring relief? But, as we look back—as he looks back—it's impossible to untangle the suffering from the positive consequence. His struggle wasn't just a hurdle; it was the mechanism that pushed him onto a fulfilling path.

We often resist adversity because, in the present, it’s uncomfortable. I know I can find myself in this postiton and it's a common part of the coaching conversations I have. It feels like a derailment. We can often find we are clinging to an unhelpful expectation, seeing a setback only as a loss of time, money, or progress. Yet, how often is it that the detour—the illness, the loss of a job, the relationship that didn't work out—forces us to step onto a street we never would have otherwise explored? And of course, it’s not only the big things where this occurs. A similar experience can happen with a cancelled train or traffic jam. Expectation versus Reality.

Time, as the great editor, reveals the full narrative arc. From our immediate, emotional perspective, the setback is often seen as a full stop. With time we can see things from a different vantage point, we can see it’s more like a comma, or perhaps the unexpected climax that sets up the next, better act.

Bridging the Expectation Gap

So, how do we accelerate the perspective that can take years to gain? We struggle because of a fundamental conflict we rarely acknowledge: The Expectation Gap.

We are often conditioned to expect a linear, comfortable life—the smooth, air-conditioned ride. When reality delivers the opposite—the stifling heat of a health issue, the loss of a client, the unexpected delay—we feel suffering not just from the event itself, but from the frustration and resistance that life hasn't matched our expectations. We believe life has malfunctioned. When we realise we can become the editor of 'our' expectations we give ourselves better options.

The key to accelerating perspective isn't changing the event; it's changing the story we tell ourselves about the event. It’s about closing that gap by adjusting our internal dial to accept that reality.  This is not becoming a doormat to the what life throws at us. Far from it . In doing this we put ourselves the strongest position to do something constructive about the event. Whilst it is not easy, it is possible to break out of our conditioning. Rewriting our expecations requires conscious and sustainable effort. Doing this will mean shifting our core question from the passive, resisting:

"Why is this happening to me?"

...to the active, searching:

• "What is this forcing me to learn or practice?" (Grit, patience, creativity, a new skill?)

• "What new door is being opened for me because the previous one has been closed?" (What 'air-conditioned cinema' am I now being forced to find?)

• “How can I move forward from this situation?"

This isn't about ignoring the genuine pain of dreadful situations. It’s about activating the often buried resilience that lives inside us —building trust and belief in ourselves that we are more capable of dealing with adversity. Building trust and belief is something we can invest in everyday.

Young Marty Scorsese didn't know he was in film school when he was sitting in that theatre, just that he was breathing easier. Years later, he could clearly see the script his life had written. We can choose to adopt his adult perspective now, trusting that our detours are not roadblocks, but rather the conditions, the essential routes to where we are meant to be.

What is a moment of past adversity you can now see as a necessary catalyst in your own life? Share your story in the comments below